


Brother

by Gaybrand



Series: Alt. Highschool AU [2]
Category: Tribe Twelve
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Recreational Drug Use, sorta?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 02:23:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16714753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaybrand/pseuds/Gaybrand
Summary: [And brother if you have the chance to pick me up?And can I sleep on your couch to the pound of the ache and pain?Oh, in my head 'cause I'm awake all night long to the drums of the city rain]Milo is a very private person, mysterious almost. hes used to hiding his problems but the mask can be broken when one lives with the one person who cares most about him.





	Brother

**Author's Note:**

> sorta part of the alt hs au though its only refrences a little. mainly i was actually having a rough thanksgiving and dealing with some internal shit. very fun.  
> i also like to write for their dynamic bc its so fucking sweet the kind of bond they have esp if they're both still mentally a little fucked up but they're here for each other. 
> 
> anyway i hope you had a happier holiday than me or at least a better day than these boys

Noah woke up to see nothing but darkness and the hazy green light of his alarm that read 3:48am. He rolled over and then rolled back over again, hot and restless before tossing his blankets on the floor in frustration and getting up. For the several hundredth time this month being unable to sleep properly, though in all honesty he wasn't that surprised. Every once in awhile for at least a month or two since he'd been maybe eleven he'd had problems sleeping. Between waking up several times a night, being unable to get to sleep easily, and pulling all nighters for days in a row due to anxiety or the fear of nightmares, he was always irritable and miserable. Before, of course he'd get fed up and decide to tell his parents only to find in some cruel twist of irony that the problem resolved itself before he could. He'd long since given up on fixing the issue.

Tonight he wasn't going to sit and be totally fucked the next day, he had school after all, so he decided to choose the other of the evils, drinking a bunch of nightmare inducing nyquil so he'd at least be half rested. 

He snuck out of his room and crept his way down the hall toward the bathroom but stopped just in front of milos bedroom door. There was a low light emanating from under it and a sound coming from behind it.

Milo had been living with noah and his parents for the better part of a year now after the incident with his mother that left her in prison and milo with nowhere to go. As much as it made noah's blood boil to think about, there was at least a lot good in milo living with them. He was safe and taken care of, he had access to therapy he’d needed for years, and he was finally among friends. Noah himself felt a lot safer with milo around, they went to the same alt. School which mae noah alot less nervous about attending. 

But as of now, he was worried about milo. Unsure of what he was doing behind the door and slightly afraid to find out. He crept closer listening but still not sure what to make of the sounds. Thus there was only one way to be sure he was alright. Noah carefully turned the handle and pushing open the door in such a way that it wouldn't squeak and slipped himself inside the room, just to see, to make sure that milo was okay.

Milo was crying, clearly despite the only light being a dim lamp, and noah stopped feeling awkward but concerned. His hair was down from is normal lazy ponytail and instead messy and everywhere. He'd never seen him in such a state, milo had a very stoic demeanor and seeing him upset and showing it was scary. Despite him thinking that he was alone in the dead of night.

“M-milo?” he hesitated walking in just a bit closer. Milo flinched and stopped making any sound, his shadow moving around where the weak lamp didn't reach. He didn't say anything but walked closer to noah still mostly in darkness.

“Whats up man?” noah murmured 

Milo shook his head. “Nothing. I'm fine. Go back to bed.” 

“C'mon milo i'm not that stupid.” noah gently put his hand on his cousins shoulder, but recalled when he felt that he was uncomfortable. “Look i just...wanna help..”

“You cant do that.” milo muttered, it was difficult to see his expression but he seemed bitter.

“Why not.” noah sighed, “youve never let me try, you won't talk to me and i talk to you all the time. What's wrong with talking to me.”

“Thats not your job. You don't need to help me.”

“But why can't i? I want to and i ...i can't just leave you alone to be fucking miserable.” noah argued “i've done that for too long..”

Milo sighed and sat down heavily on the side of his bed. It took a minute but eventually milo gestured to the spot next to him. “Might as well give it a shot i guess.”

“So what's wrong?” noah asked sitting next to him and trying to make out his expressions in the darkness, he could see but alot of milos face was in shadow.

“It's mostly just about..my….my mom…” milo seemed to be forcing the words out of his mouth.

“Like...nightmares or..remembering things?”

“I...i miss her.” milo admitted and the tone of his voice was heartbreaking. “It's fucked up and stupid but i miss her. She wasn't like...always the worst person, she was alot of the time she was fucking horrible alot of the time but fuck man when she wasn't it...it was almost like we were friends and she gave a shit. It was almost like having a mom and i…”

Noah scooted closer and wrapped his arm around milos shoulder, and for once didn't feel like he was being pushed away, but for once milo was actually vulnerable. 

“I'm sorry milo.” 

“I know thats fucking stupid but like...who else did i have? ...why didn't i...why didn't i get to have that….alot of people get to have parents and i think i always ignored what she did because i wanted what we had when she wasn't hurting me…” milo was rambling and his voice cracked some. “why ...do i still want her around...why didn't i get to have a mom…”

Noah's grip on milo grew tighter and he pulled his cousin closer for a tight, silently tearful hug. Milo hugged as though he didn't know how but his life depended on him figuring it out. 

“It's not...it's not stupid to wish you had someone better...or that shed been better to you” noah found himself trying to comfort milo but wasn't sure how, and how to do so with some empathy to the fact that milo had cared about his mother. Everything shed ever done made noah hate her, she couldn't redeem herself to him. But for milo? She was alot more complex than that. “I...nothing's gonna replace having parents who love you...not me not my parents or your other friends or work or anything else. And i'm sorry...i'm sorry you didn't get that. You deserved it.”

Milo was crying harder and clinging to him and the honesty of this scene was that noah was scared. Milo didn't cry, he didn't break down, he was stoic and strong and hated his family and was glad to be rid of them. Yes he had to deal with his mother being in jail and the stepfather he liked being dead, but he was over it. It didn't matter to him. 

It had all been an act. 

And maybe noah would have felt bad for milo not wanting to use him as a resource, as comfort, but he couldn't. Milo didn't want him to worry, milo didn't want to make a big deal out of things, milo only went to therapy per the request of noah's mother. He took what was hurting him, and much like he'd done all his life, he internalized it and kept it all put away neatly so no one would ever know there were issues. 

it wasn't like noah didn't keep things from milo.

“Milo..you don't ...you don't need to be afraid of admitting that you wanted a mom, or anything else..i'm always here for you..”’

“Noah…..man it's...alot..all the time. I...i'm not interested in putting more shit on your shoulders.” milo muttered, still holding onto noah tightly.

“I'm not a little kid. And id definitely rather be told things than to just…. Find out there was something wrong by...seeing it.” noah said firmly but sighing at the end, a little nervous about bringing it up. Theyd never actually discussed the scars on his arms, there was never an appropriate time to mention it, but if noah wanted anything, it was to help him in any way possible. And at the very least to be able to talk to the person he was the closest to about anything.

“Right. I guess you would notice huh. “ milo sighed.

“Sorry i shouldnt have..”

“No it's fine i mean...youd notice. If i didn't talk about it youd still notice something's going on.” milo stated, his voice quiet but steady as he pulled away, still very close to noah, and looked up and down his forearms. “You could still tell so..what's the point in hiding shit from you.”

“Well...basically yeah…” noah shrugged, not exactly how he'd put it but, milo was always more blunt.

“You're a good person, noah. “ milo said , his expression hard to read but his voice soft and tired. “You give more of shit about me than anyone else ever has. I don't..i don't always appreciate it enough.” 

“You're important. I love you man it's not something spectacular, you should always get treated like this, better in fact.” noah patted his shoulder in his own sort of awkward way. If milo wasn't used to being listened to, noah wasn't used to being complemented. 

“Well i don't. So you doing it means a whole hell of alot man.” milo, equally as awkward, gave him a sort of punch to the shoulder. Noah understood. 

“Hey you should...probably sleep.” milo said after a few minutes of quiet.

“Are you going to?”

“Probably not.” milo shrugged.

“Well me either.”

“Noah you can't not sleep just cus of me.”

“No i just...already wasn't gonna and now id rather be up anyway.” noah admittedly never told milo about his war with sleep but part of him wondered if milo knew already somehow. 

“Noah..”

“Are you actually gonna argue with me?” noah challenged, watching milo go through several stages in his facial expression before rolling his eyes and sighing.

“Guess not.” he shook his head “you're an ass you know that right.”

“I've been told. Mostly by you.” noah said with half a weak smile. 

Milo just huffed and slid to the floor reaching under his bed and pulling out a smallish box labeled “other”. 

“Wanna smoke?” he asked opening it to reveal cigarettes, a few tiny bottles of fireball, and various kinds of paraphernalia. 

“Might as well huh.” noah pulled his legs up and crossed them on the bed and started looking through the box that milo had set down so he could go and lock the door. 

“Better than just sittin here. Anyway it's been awhile and i could use it.” milo said crawling back onto the bed as noah silently called dibs on the cool lighter.

“Me too man i've missed this the last like..month.” noah commented as they got things together to go through with an old and familiar ritual. Perhaps an odd kind of bonding with his cousin, but one that was special no less. It wasn't like milo and noah weren't odd anyway, but in the room with locked doors, in the late night, they could be odd together. Unbothered, understanding between brothers, and really that was all that mattered.


End file.
